AWARENESS...
As I began to awake and I entered into the consciousness of the day, my ears seemed to be the first to give attention to the things around me. I could hear the water dripping from the rusted faucet in the bathroom ten feet way from where I sleep. The sound of that water hitting the fake porcelain sink gained my attention and it became the loudest sound in the room of that morning. Whereas, every other morning I never noticed it as being as significant as I did this morning. The words sounded out clearly as a reminder in my mind, ‘when you are surrounded by water, then know that I am with you’. Of course the dripping was prior to the night and continued long after, but it became as a tool for encouraging the message that would remain with me for years to come.
As you could imagine, it was just another morning at the Inn, but this one was clearly different than the previous. This particular sunrise brought with it a new light and a new warmth to a new set of eyes I didn’t realize I had. It was a strange feeling, as if I were alone in some way. I still had my friends whom I would later encounter this following morning, but the aloneness was different and barely fitting for words. As if I had met someone special and carried with me a secret. I remember the thought of it being as if I won the lottery and held the ticket in my pocket and every one I faced that day, had no idea that my life had been overwhelmingly disrupted in an amazing way. I became a stranger in a strange place. There was a comfort and confidence as if I had just become aware that I had found myself in the midst of a perfect and harmonious arrangement. Yes, I felt sober and connected and enlightened. I never used the word enlightened prior to this, but now it seems to describe it so well. As if the night brought darkness, and in the middle of this darkness, a light came to present itself to me. Not a light that peered through the broken bathroom window of my small room, but a clarity and direction to lead me through the places that I found myself stumbling through in my mind and in my heart. I felt refreshed in my thinking and settled in my mind. Like a man rushing about the house looking for his keys and that instance of relief when he sees them. He watches the unsettledness and anxiousness leave him quickly, in the twinkling of an eye, as peace and happiness rush in to fill its place.
I did not have all the answers to the detailed questions that I had passing through my thoughts, but I knew the answers were in the hand of someone more powerful and perfect and able than I. No, the questions did not end, but my condition along this journey to pursue the answers had taken a new vue. That inner man, that self within me had a new name and new clothing and it was about to step out of this little room into a world of which no one had any idea of what I had just experienced. I am aware of something greater than myself now. I am aware of a new way and a new course. I am aware that all things that I had suffered and encountered and stumbled through until now were a part of a perfect design. A design held in perfect hands.
EXPECT THE PRESSURE…
I stepped out of the door as I typically did and found myself face to face with my good friend who lived in the room next door. Of course, his first question was why I left the group early the night before. He then went on about all the things that I missed. I could hear him speaking audibly, but truly my attention and my focus could not take hold of his words. His conversation was passing through me and I couldn’t grab it long enough to take any pleasure in hearing it. I suppose this is selfish on my part, but I had what I describe as good news sitting within me waiting to rush out of my mouth and through my words. Thinking of this, I realize that is often a bad habit of mine and many others I suppose, to close our ears to listening because we are so ready to speak. Having someone speak to us, and although we hear them, we have already decided to prepare our own messages in the midst. Missing what they have to say for the sake of hearing ourselves talk. I learned quickly that this new vision and this new direction being revealed to me, still brought with it the opportunity for my own self to disrupt it in some way. This new encountering of life offered me something great, but I still had within me a motive and intention that needed to be changed. This was going to be a long and enduring journey, but the reward, as I had a glimpse of, was worth it all.
Once he finally took a breath in sharing the events of that night, I had gathered enough nerve to share a few things with him that I encountered in my soberness and in the quietness of the night in that room. I shared with him the cloudy face, the dripping water and the music guidance and I admit I expected his response to be much different than it was. I thought he would have a seriousness about it and willingness to hear me and converse with me about these things. After all, it seemed very serious to me. I thought that maybe he would be open minded and desirous to experience the same things for the sake of his own troubles and dark areas of life. I was pleased and settled that I was certain I had the answer to all things hidden within me and that everyone I spoke to would agree and invite the very same message that I had just encountered. Yet, without hesitation, he quickly and sarcastically replied, ‘are you sure you didn’t drink last night?’. I quickly realized that this beautiful thing that came upon me was ignored, hated and easily rejected outside of that hotel room. I had to assure him that last night I was more sober than I could ever imagine, but of course, it was going to take more than words to convince him that something changed. I learned quickly that my 'doing' had to outshine my 'saying'.
Continue to 'PROCLAIM'
As you could imagine, it was just another morning at the Inn, but this one was clearly different than the previous. This particular sunrise brought with it a new light and a new warmth to a new set of eyes I didn’t realize I had. It was a strange feeling, as if I were alone in some way. I still had my friends whom I would later encounter this following morning, but the aloneness was different and barely fitting for words. As if I had met someone special and carried with me a secret. I remember the thought of it being as if I won the lottery and held the ticket in my pocket and every one I faced that day, had no idea that my life had been overwhelmingly disrupted in an amazing way. I became a stranger in a strange place. There was a comfort and confidence as if I had just become aware that I had found myself in the midst of a perfect and harmonious arrangement. Yes, I felt sober and connected and enlightened. I never used the word enlightened prior to this, but now it seems to describe it so well. As if the night brought darkness, and in the middle of this darkness, a light came to present itself to me. Not a light that peered through the broken bathroom window of my small room, but a clarity and direction to lead me through the places that I found myself stumbling through in my mind and in my heart. I felt refreshed in my thinking and settled in my mind. Like a man rushing about the house looking for his keys and that instance of relief when he sees them. He watches the unsettledness and anxiousness leave him quickly, in the twinkling of an eye, as peace and happiness rush in to fill its place.
I did not have all the answers to the detailed questions that I had passing through my thoughts, but I knew the answers were in the hand of someone more powerful and perfect and able than I. No, the questions did not end, but my condition along this journey to pursue the answers had taken a new vue. That inner man, that self within me had a new name and new clothing and it was about to step out of this little room into a world of which no one had any idea of what I had just experienced. I am aware of something greater than myself now. I am aware of a new way and a new course. I am aware that all things that I had suffered and encountered and stumbled through until now were a part of a perfect design. A design held in perfect hands.
EXPECT THE PRESSURE…
I stepped out of the door as I typically did and found myself face to face with my good friend who lived in the room next door. Of course, his first question was why I left the group early the night before. He then went on about all the things that I missed. I could hear him speaking audibly, but truly my attention and my focus could not take hold of his words. His conversation was passing through me and I couldn’t grab it long enough to take any pleasure in hearing it. I suppose this is selfish on my part, but I had what I describe as good news sitting within me waiting to rush out of my mouth and through my words. Thinking of this, I realize that is often a bad habit of mine and many others I suppose, to close our ears to listening because we are so ready to speak. Having someone speak to us, and although we hear them, we have already decided to prepare our own messages in the midst. Missing what they have to say for the sake of hearing ourselves talk. I learned quickly that this new vision and this new direction being revealed to me, still brought with it the opportunity for my own self to disrupt it in some way. This new encountering of life offered me something great, but I still had within me a motive and intention that needed to be changed. This was going to be a long and enduring journey, but the reward, as I had a glimpse of, was worth it all.
Once he finally took a breath in sharing the events of that night, I had gathered enough nerve to share a few things with him that I encountered in my soberness and in the quietness of the night in that room. I shared with him the cloudy face, the dripping water and the music guidance and I admit I expected his response to be much different than it was. I thought he would have a seriousness about it and willingness to hear me and converse with me about these things. After all, it seemed very serious to me. I thought that maybe he would be open minded and desirous to experience the same things for the sake of his own troubles and dark areas of life. I was pleased and settled that I was certain I had the answer to all things hidden within me and that everyone I spoke to would agree and invite the very same message that I had just encountered. Yet, without hesitation, he quickly and sarcastically replied, ‘are you sure you didn’t drink last night?’. I quickly realized that this beautiful thing that came upon me was ignored, hated and easily rejected outside of that hotel room. I had to assure him that last night I was more sober than I could ever imagine, but of course, it was going to take more than words to convince him that something changed. I learned quickly that my 'doing' had to outshine my 'saying'.
Continue to 'PROCLAIM'
