OVERSHADOWED...
I awoke this one particular day, and from the start it appeared as if it would be just an ordinary one for me. The sun appeared to me at its appointed time, the seagulls left the beach and headed west for breakfast (at the local dump) as they usually did and the day just seemed no different from the last. I spent the breezy morning at the beach and shuffled onto work in the mid afternoon as I usually would. I just can't recall one single thing being unusual about this day as it began. I worked as a part-time miniature golf course attendant. Well, that is the glorified name, but basically I collected money, handed out golf clubs and pointed people to hole number one. The pace of this type of job was ideal for me at the time. Crowds of people passed through making the evening seem to go quickly and Bob Marley and other reggae music was echoed throughout the course during the 6-7 hours I spent there a few evenings a week. I got to meet many people and the environment felt like a continuation of my day at the beach. Part of the course was elevated like a mountain, and during my break I would often climb to the top to get a glimpse of the ocean. It was the highest peak of the entire course that would allow this vue. It was my daily surf report in the case that I was able to leave early due to slow golfing traffic. It rarely happened, but for me it was wishful thinking and an opportunity for a quick daydream. Each working evening, at nearly 11 o'clock, I would end my work session and clock out for the night. It became a routine for me to make a quick stop at the convenience store for beverages on my way back to the inn. The convenience of this led me to become the designated 'end of the night beverage buyer' because by this time everyone else was too 'unable' to functionally enter behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. After a quick stop and arriving to my abode, it wouldn't be long before I would be in the same sober-less condition as my friends that awaited me. At my arrival, I would typically find a dozen or so people gathered and seated in a semi-circle just outside of our hotel room door. Most nights, I would have to introduce myself to the strangers that found their way into this circle. Being so close to the main street and the beach, the passers-by and people we would meet during the day would make a pitstop at our place and end up hanging throughout the night until the sun appeared again or at least until the police came for some type of disturbance. This often happened after a few shouts of invitation by fellow drunken inn-mates. Needless to say, each night we would have new faces stop by and hang out for a while.
CALLED OUT...
This particular night, I was sitting in my chair listening to the conversations that passed through my ears as I often did, but this time something was different. The voices around me became muffled and distant. My interest and attention was withdrawn from this idle chatter and redirected to something different that I could not quite put my finger on. I had only been home for a few minutes and I was ready to retire from the party to go be alone. Typically, I would have preferred the crowd, but for some reason this night I felt alone in my thoughts and desired this outwardly as well. Of course, as I decided to excuse myself to my room for the night, it didn't come without a type of pressure and harassment from my friends. If I could describe it accurately, it was as if I was being drawn from the crowd to a quiet place. If the room had a closet, I may have entered into it. It was a leading from one way and a following to another. I had no idea what this leading and following was but my heart was only at peace when I decided to rise and enter into the place I was being led to - my empty room. That sounds like a religious expression, but the truth is I had this overwhelming persuasion to just get out of my seat and go into the room that has slowly been becoming my hiding place. Beyond this call to separate myself from the crowd, I must have simply been tired as well. I went straight to bed and fell asleep peacefully before I had a chance to think too much about why all of this was happening. It was a combination of a tired body and a tired mind. The immediate exhaustion was due to the late nights I had been accustomed to in this lifestyle, but the mental exhaustion came as a weight that I carried through this unsettledness. I have later since heard the term faint-hearted which seemed to fit me well. But for the sake of context, I was just plain tired. I can count on my hand the number of people I have told this story to and received different reactions from nearly each one. What comes next sounds far-fetched and in some degree goes against the doctrine of many churches, or as many would say unothrodox. So until now I had reserved this particular experience to myself and just a few others. However, those that know me and have cared to draw close enough will know that nothing inside of me wants to deliberately lie or mislead someone with exaggeration. So, as the one reading this particular portion of the writing, you are welcome to your way of receiving this and your welcome not to read it. However, as I try to live an open life and not with things hidden, I will tell you this truly happened.
ASK, SEEK & KNOCK...
In the middle of the night, I was awakened and sat straight up in my bed. Everything was dark, from what I recall, except a large face that appeared to be floating in a cloud. Is it possible that I was dreaming? Yes, we all know that as real as dreams may seem, when we are awaken from them, we can see a clear difference between the two. But truly, this time I was wide awake and on this particular night no drink entered into my body. But it if helps you to follow along the story easier, you can think of it as a dream. I have no doubt that I was conscious enough to realize that the one I had been calling out to for some time was responding to me in a way that shook me and caused me to fear and tremble in amazement and wonder. He did what he needed to gain my full attention and as with all things that he does, it was done with perfection and power. It was a face several feet high and wide and took up most of the scope of my vision. It overshadowed me so that if I desired to turn to the right or left, my vision would still be consumed by it. I hesitate to say, that the face appeared to be what mankind generally perceives to be the face of the Christ - Long haired, bearded and soft skinned. When I bring to mind an image of Christ, I try not to put him into this type of box, but I suppose when I enter sleep and the images of my mind take their own route, this is the visual that I had of him. I had not seen Christ when he was alive in the body, so my only mental image came through what I have seen as pictures along the way in life. All of which, I know are not accurate. But tonight, I recognized him as someone much greater than I am, not by the appearance of his face in this cloud, but more by the authority and confidence of the words he spoke. For some time I had been asking for answers to questions that plagued me from the inside and I am certain this night was the night my questions were to be addressed. I had been seeking a way through this dimly lit path and I am certain this night was the night I would have a new way laid before me. I had been knocking on the door of life in the hope that I could have but just a small measure of peace to keep me in such a time of confusion and insecurity and aloneness of heart. Tonight was the night the door would be opened and I would get but a glimpse of the perfection and beauty and love that would help me to conquer all that had been subtly tormenting and destroying me from the deepest part of my insides.
KNOW ALL THINGS...
"Ask me what you will, for I have all of the answers to life". These words were spoken and entered into my mind in a way that no other words have ever. I wish that I could say they entered through my ears as we are all used to hearing, but they actually entered in through a different and deeper way. With a comfort and a confidence that they were so true and so right that nothing in the world that I have come to know could possibly take from them or change them in some way. I remember the confirmation I would feel when I would hurt myself as a child and my mom would assure me things would be ok. Well, it actually took my mom having to call my grandmom and then the assurance was sealed. But this was much greater and something within me tuned itself to these words and connected with them in such a way that my entire everything was set at peace by it. Like taking a new breath after holding it for so long, I felt alive at this moment. Keep in mind that until this moment, I had no idea of religion, or Christ or God or whichever terms and words and descriptions that you can give of heaven and it's holiness. I had no knowledge of what to say or what to do. When these initial words were spoken, I didn't think of a particular scripture that I could open the bible up to and confirm it. I didn't think whether the spirit was in me and whether I was saved. I didn't think whether these words were spoken to the Jews or gentiles, circumcised or uncircumcised, saints or sinners. I didn't bring up the chart of time and eternity and see whether this fit within the dispensation of Paul or whether it was meant for the saints scattered among the nations. I didn't question whether I was an elect or chosen or sealed to be raptured on a certain day. No, it was much more simple and plain and easier to receive. Like a child opening its eyes for the first time and seeing the blue sky and green grass. I was a growing man, lost in his own ways, looking for the right way out of the internal pain I had brought upon myself and on this night the answer to life was before me. I was like a small child standing before my father. I was speechless and startled and amazed all in one and strangely I immediately trusted every single word that was shared. Like a long lost friend who came to set me free from something I couldn't quite see too clearly myself. All that I know at this moment was that a great voice spoke what would become the most beautiful words given to me, "Ask me what you will, for I have all the answers to life". And, until then although I hadn't become an expert at doing this very thing, I actually listened intently. If I could describe this in a simple way, it was as if he captured me. He took ahold of me and embraced me from the inside. It was like a light in such a darkened room. I was in a trance with someone I quickly fell in love with. It was a love-trance. I wanted no other thing but to sit there with him and be with him forever. I didn't want it to end and in the same way that most people would respond to such an extraordinary thing, I did what he said. I asked every single question I could possibly think of. Unfortunately, I do not remember many of the questions I asked. His answers came, but I don't think his answers were specific to these questions I was blurting out. They were general answers that he wanted me to keep. Answers that seemed above or higher than the questions I was asking him. He was drawing me to trust and rely and believe that what he was speaking was true. This ability revealed his true position, which I began to see quickly was above me.
SURROUNDED BY WATER...
Of all that was shared, only few of them do I remember clearly, starting with his initial statement of asking and having the answers. But there are two things that I do remember clearly and at that point in time I had no idea what they meant. Nearly two years prior to this night, I had just moved down to Florida from Maryland with my parents, after graduating high school. It was a difficult time for me because as many friends as I had up north throughout my school years, once I arrived here I had not a single one. After a few months I met a friend who would become one of the roommates I mentioned in an earlier message. The one who moved west to start his own business. He played the guitar and as we connected right away, he persuaded me to buy a bass guitar of which I had no desire to play prior to this. Yet, I saw an opportunity to explore music and I bought one on my fresh out of high school credit card. We played day and night and I actually learned to play rather quickly. Looking back, the songs I enjoyed were an expression of the unsettledness that I was experiencing, but I didn't think much of it as long as I was becoming better at playing this new found interest. With this said, one of the few things that were shared with me this night in the room, that I remember clearly are his words to me, "the music you produce will point to me". Of course, I had no idea what they meant and at the time, the music I had an interest in was certainly not pointing to him, but rather the opposite. What I was experiencing this night seemed to have no resemblance to the music I had running through my heart and mind and tongue. As strange as this sounded, I trusted his words and kept them in my heart afterwards. I didn't see how it was possible, but believed him and held his words to a value enough to trust them to come to pass in time. I did wonder 'when', but I did not wonder 'if'. Towards what appeared to be the close of this visit, there was one more thing shared that would later prove to be very significant. At the time, again, I had no idea what it meant, but time would tell otherwise. "When you are surrounded by water, know that I am with you". I would imagine with my few attempts to read the book of Genesis, these words were relevant to my reading of the land and water separating in the beginning days of time. The land rose above the water and found itself surrounded by it. Of course these were merely ancient and almost folklore to my limited understanding and blinded mind, but in some way they stayed with me and in this experience he was using it in a helpful way. How it would help, I have no idea, but as I mentioned before, I trusted it. You could say, I was captured by it. With those two things staying strong in my mind, my exhaustion must have crept back in and I soon found myself ready to go back to sleep. I remember trying to hold onto him as long as I could, but it slipped out of my sight and out of time like a vapor or a breath drifting from me. It was like trying to hold onto the wind, but as refreshing as it felt to move through me, it continued beyond my reach for the night. So I closed my eyes and laid my head to rest. And rest I did indeed. What caused me to awake and what caused me to rest?
Continue to 'AWARENESS'
CALLED OUT...
This particular night, I was sitting in my chair listening to the conversations that passed through my ears as I often did, but this time something was different. The voices around me became muffled and distant. My interest and attention was withdrawn from this idle chatter and redirected to something different that I could not quite put my finger on. I had only been home for a few minutes and I was ready to retire from the party to go be alone. Typically, I would have preferred the crowd, but for some reason this night I felt alone in my thoughts and desired this outwardly as well. Of course, as I decided to excuse myself to my room for the night, it didn't come without a type of pressure and harassment from my friends. If I could describe it accurately, it was as if I was being drawn from the crowd to a quiet place. If the room had a closet, I may have entered into it. It was a leading from one way and a following to another. I had no idea what this leading and following was but my heart was only at peace when I decided to rise and enter into the place I was being led to - my empty room. That sounds like a religious expression, but the truth is I had this overwhelming persuasion to just get out of my seat and go into the room that has slowly been becoming my hiding place. Beyond this call to separate myself from the crowd, I must have simply been tired as well. I went straight to bed and fell asleep peacefully before I had a chance to think too much about why all of this was happening. It was a combination of a tired body and a tired mind. The immediate exhaustion was due to the late nights I had been accustomed to in this lifestyle, but the mental exhaustion came as a weight that I carried through this unsettledness. I have later since heard the term faint-hearted which seemed to fit me well. But for the sake of context, I was just plain tired. I can count on my hand the number of people I have told this story to and received different reactions from nearly each one. What comes next sounds far-fetched and in some degree goes against the doctrine of many churches, or as many would say unothrodox. So until now I had reserved this particular experience to myself and just a few others. However, those that know me and have cared to draw close enough will know that nothing inside of me wants to deliberately lie or mislead someone with exaggeration. So, as the one reading this particular portion of the writing, you are welcome to your way of receiving this and your welcome not to read it. However, as I try to live an open life and not with things hidden, I will tell you this truly happened.
ASK, SEEK & KNOCK...
In the middle of the night, I was awakened and sat straight up in my bed. Everything was dark, from what I recall, except a large face that appeared to be floating in a cloud. Is it possible that I was dreaming? Yes, we all know that as real as dreams may seem, when we are awaken from them, we can see a clear difference between the two. But truly, this time I was wide awake and on this particular night no drink entered into my body. But it if helps you to follow along the story easier, you can think of it as a dream. I have no doubt that I was conscious enough to realize that the one I had been calling out to for some time was responding to me in a way that shook me and caused me to fear and tremble in amazement and wonder. He did what he needed to gain my full attention and as with all things that he does, it was done with perfection and power. It was a face several feet high and wide and took up most of the scope of my vision. It overshadowed me so that if I desired to turn to the right or left, my vision would still be consumed by it. I hesitate to say, that the face appeared to be what mankind generally perceives to be the face of the Christ - Long haired, bearded and soft skinned. When I bring to mind an image of Christ, I try not to put him into this type of box, but I suppose when I enter sleep and the images of my mind take their own route, this is the visual that I had of him. I had not seen Christ when he was alive in the body, so my only mental image came through what I have seen as pictures along the way in life. All of which, I know are not accurate. But tonight, I recognized him as someone much greater than I am, not by the appearance of his face in this cloud, but more by the authority and confidence of the words he spoke. For some time I had been asking for answers to questions that plagued me from the inside and I am certain this night was the night my questions were to be addressed. I had been seeking a way through this dimly lit path and I am certain this night was the night I would have a new way laid before me. I had been knocking on the door of life in the hope that I could have but just a small measure of peace to keep me in such a time of confusion and insecurity and aloneness of heart. Tonight was the night the door would be opened and I would get but a glimpse of the perfection and beauty and love that would help me to conquer all that had been subtly tormenting and destroying me from the deepest part of my insides.
KNOW ALL THINGS...
"Ask me what you will, for I have all of the answers to life". These words were spoken and entered into my mind in a way that no other words have ever. I wish that I could say they entered through my ears as we are all used to hearing, but they actually entered in through a different and deeper way. With a comfort and a confidence that they were so true and so right that nothing in the world that I have come to know could possibly take from them or change them in some way. I remember the confirmation I would feel when I would hurt myself as a child and my mom would assure me things would be ok. Well, it actually took my mom having to call my grandmom and then the assurance was sealed. But this was much greater and something within me tuned itself to these words and connected with them in such a way that my entire everything was set at peace by it. Like taking a new breath after holding it for so long, I felt alive at this moment. Keep in mind that until this moment, I had no idea of religion, or Christ or God or whichever terms and words and descriptions that you can give of heaven and it's holiness. I had no knowledge of what to say or what to do. When these initial words were spoken, I didn't think of a particular scripture that I could open the bible up to and confirm it. I didn't think whether the spirit was in me and whether I was saved. I didn't think whether these words were spoken to the Jews or gentiles, circumcised or uncircumcised, saints or sinners. I didn't bring up the chart of time and eternity and see whether this fit within the dispensation of Paul or whether it was meant for the saints scattered among the nations. I didn't question whether I was an elect or chosen or sealed to be raptured on a certain day. No, it was much more simple and plain and easier to receive. Like a child opening its eyes for the first time and seeing the blue sky and green grass. I was a growing man, lost in his own ways, looking for the right way out of the internal pain I had brought upon myself and on this night the answer to life was before me. I was like a small child standing before my father. I was speechless and startled and amazed all in one and strangely I immediately trusted every single word that was shared. Like a long lost friend who came to set me free from something I couldn't quite see too clearly myself. All that I know at this moment was that a great voice spoke what would become the most beautiful words given to me, "Ask me what you will, for I have all the answers to life". And, until then although I hadn't become an expert at doing this very thing, I actually listened intently. If I could describe this in a simple way, it was as if he captured me. He took ahold of me and embraced me from the inside. It was like a light in such a darkened room. I was in a trance with someone I quickly fell in love with. It was a love-trance. I wanted no other thing but to sit there with him and be with him forever. I didn't want it to end and in the same way that most people would respond to such an extraordinary thing, I did what he said. I asked every single question I could possibly think of. Unfortunately, I do not remember many of the questions I asked. His answers came, but I don't think his answers were specific to these questions I was blurting out. They were general answers that he wanted me to keep. Answers that seemed above or higher than the questions I was asking him. He was drawing me to trust and rely and believe that what he was speaking was true. This ability revealed his true position, which I began to see quickly was above me.
SURROUNDED BY WATER...
Of all that was shared, only few of them do I remember clearly, starting with his initial statement of asking and having the answers. But there are two things that I do remember clearly and at that point in time I had no idea what they meant. Nearly two years prior to this night, I had just moved down to Florida from Maryland with my parents, after graduating high school. It was a difficult time for me because as many friends as I had up north throughout my school years, once I arrived here I had not a single one. After a few months I met a friend who would become one of the roommates I mentioned in an earlier message. The one who moved west to start his own business. He played the guitar and as we connected right away, he persuaded me to buy a bass guitar of which I had no desire to play prior to this. Yet, I saw an opportunity to explore music and I bought one on my fresh out of high school credit card. We played day and night and I actually learned to play rather quickly. Looking back, the songs I enjoyed were an expression of the unsettledness that I was experiencing, but I didn't think much of it as long as I was becoming better at playing this new found interest. With this said, one of the few things that were shared with me this night in the room, that I remember clearly are his words to me, "the music you produce will point to me". Of course, I had no idea what they meant and at the time, the music I had an interest in was certainly not pointing to him, but rather the opposite. What I was experiencing this night seemed to have no resemblance to the music I had running through my heart and mind and tongue. As strange as this sounded, I trusted his words and kept them in my heart afterwards. I didn't see how it was possible, but believed him and held his words to a value enough to trust them to come to pass in time. I did wonder 'when', but I did not wonder 'if'. Towards what appeared to be the close of this visit, there was one more thing shared that would later prove to be very significant. At the time, again, I had no idea what it meant, but time would tell otherwise. "When you are surrounded by water, know that I am with you". I would imagine with my few attempts to read the book of Genesis, these words were relevant to my reading of the land and water separating in the beginning days of time. The land rose above the water and found itself surrounded by it. Of course these were merely ancient and almost folklore to my limited understanding and blinded mind, but in some way they stayed with me and in this experience he was using it in a helpful way. How it would help, I have no idea, but as I mentioned before, I trusted it. You could say, I was captured by it. With those two things staying strong in my mind, my exhaustion must have crept back in and I soon found myself ready to go back to sleep. I remember trying to hold onto him as long as I could, but it slipped out of my sight and out of time like a vapor or a breath drifting from me. It was like trying to hold onto the wind, but as refreshing as it felt to move through me, it continued beyond my reach for the night. So I closed my eyes and laid my head to rest. And rest I did indeed. What caused me to awake and what caused me to rest?
Continue to 'AWARENESS'
